Lost

Despite me attempting to reset, I’ve really just ended up losing all steam. I stopped drawing, haven’t worked on my game, starting eating fast food again and even went back to looking at reddit. I definitely feel a lot worse for not working on worthwhile things but I got stuck on this loop of dopamine quick hits. I’m overwhelmed and exhausted from my care taking responsibilities. I know that’s just an excuse but it’s how I feel right now.

I’m extremely lonely with no one to talk to or enjoy anything with. I thought writing posts for this blog would help alleviate that but it really isn’t a substitute for human interaction. On some level I know this period in my life will pass but most of the time it feels like Groundhog’s Day and I just repeat the same thing day after day and there’s no end in sight.

I feel lost most of the time. I feel like I’m just passing time. I feel like life is something that happens to other people and the universe just plain forgot about me. I know nobody asks for their awful situation and that people have it worse. But this is my situation that I’m living through and having to deal with and it’s wearing me out mentally and physically. I feel like I have no place to turn and I’m tired of losing. That leads me to not try because I don’t want to deal with the bad feelings associated with all the failing that comes with learning something like drawing and coding.

I just want a little break. A chance to actually recover. But I can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which gets filled first. Maybe I’ll do better tomorrow. Anyway, thanks for clicking by and I’ll be back next week.  

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